Beverly Engel Breaking The Cycle of Abuse (pdf)

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if another caretaker (babysitter, teacher, nun) played a significant
role in your life or if you received this treatment from another
family member (sibling).
Neglect
Did one or both of your parents do any of the following to you or
others in your family:
" Ignored you or did not respond to your needs
" Not feed you or fed you food that was inadequate or inappropriate
for a child s nutritional needs (not because of financial problems)
" Forced you to feed yourself before you were able
" Not provide you adequate clothing, such as a coat in the winter
" Not wash your clothes
" Ignored your physical needs, not get you medical care when
needed
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62 Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
" Not provide you physical nurturing, such as holding you or
comforting you when you were upset
" Frequently left you alone for days or weeks in the care of others
" Frequently forgot to pick you up at the movies or after school
" Left you alone with an irresponsible caretaker
" Forced you to live in an uninhabitable place (drafty, unclean,
unsafe)
" Not get out of bed to take care of you
" Not allow you to leave your room or your home for long hours,
days, or weeks
" Neglected you because they were alcohol abusers or drug users
Emotional Abuse
Did one or both of your parents do any of the following to you or
others in your family:
" Called you names, put you down, or embarrassed you (or oth-
ers, such as your siblings)
" Belittled or made fun of you, made you the object of malicious
or sadistic jokes
" Constantly found fault in you or what you did, criticized you
" Punished you unfairly
" Told you that you were stupid or ugly, or that you would never
amount to anything
" Told you that you were always wrong, never allowed you to
voice your opinion
" Punished you in public or in front of other family members
" Negatively compared you to others
" Made you eat something you spilled on the floor or forced you to
eat something you hated and that had become cold and inedible
" Deliberately raised you as a member of the opposite sex
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Coming Out of Denial 63
" Isolated you from others, refused to allow you to have friends
over or to go to other children s homes
" Rejected you by openly preferring your siblings
" Made you do cruel or degrading tasks
" Prevented you from going to school
" Forced you to steal or do other illegal things
Physical Abuse
Did one or both of your parents do any of the following to you or
others in your family:
" Shoved, or threw you across the room
" Slapped, hit, or spanked, causing marks or bruises
" Beat you with a belt, a tree branch or other object to the point
that it left marks
" Scratched or bit you
" Burned you
" Cut you
" Made you bleed or caused you to bruise
" Broke your bones
" Tied or locked you up or restrained you in other ways
" Confined you to a small space (like a closet) for long periods of
time
" Locked you out of the house as punishment
" Made you sit or stand for unreasonable amounts of time
" Not allowed you to urinate or defecate
" Used hunger as a consistent punishment
" Forced you to eat unhealthy or unsanitary food or food meant
for animals
" Forced you into toilet training too early
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64 Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
" Used heat or cold (such as water) to cause pain
" Held your head under water
" Put a pillow over your head or otherwise tried to suffocate you
" Pulled your hair or used rubber bands to cause pain
" Medicated or drugged you when you were not ill
" Forced you into child labor
" Hurt or killed your pets
" Served your pets to you as food
Sexual Abuse
Did one or both of your parents (or other significant adult):
" Lie around nude in a provocative way
" Flirt with you or engage in provocative behavior such as mak-
ing comments about the way your body was developing
" Show you pornographic pictures or movies
" Kiss, hold, or touch you inappropriately
" Touch, bite, or fondle your sexual parts
" Make you engage in forced or mutual masturbation
" Give you enemas or douches for no medical reason
" Wash or scrub your genitals long after you were capable of
doing so on your own
" Become preoccupied with the cleanliness of your genitals, tell
you that your genitals were dirty, shameful, or evil
" Force you to observe or participate in adult bathing, undressing,
toilet, or sexual activities
" Force you to be nude with others
" Make you share their bed when other beds were available
" Make you look at or touch adults sexual parts
" Take photographs of you nude or engaged in sexual activities
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" Allow you to be sexually molested without trying to stop it
" Tell you about their explicit sexual behavior
" In adolescence or older, ask you to tell inappropriate details
about your sexual life
In order to continue to face the truth about what happened to you
as a child you also need to understand just how damaging each form
of abuse or neglect is to a child and how that damage is carried for-
ward into adulthood. For this reason I have provided an overview of
the damage caused to a child and types of abusive or victimlike
behaviors that are common results of each type of abuse.
The Damage Caused by Child Neglect
An infant who is severely deprived of basic emotional nurturing, even
though physically well cared for, can fail to thrive and can eventually
die. Less severe forms of early emotional deprivation may produce
babies who grow into anxious and insecure children who are slow to
develop or who have low self-esteem. Early emotional deprivation
has been linked to such personality disorders as borderline personality [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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